


Stars Above, Home Below

by CigaleDesNeiges



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish-centric, Character Study, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Introspection, Tarot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:35:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CigaleDesNeiges/pseuds/CigaleDesNeiges
Summary: Adam, leading up to and after the court case.  A reflection on fear, hope, friendship and home.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 14
Collections: TRC Fic Drabbles With Friends!





	Stars Above, Home Below

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt for this was a random tarot card, and I pulled The Star (number 17) and was inspired by this quote from Maggie Stiefvater's tarot guidebook:
> 
> “The meaning of the Star – hope, new possibilities, positivity – can seem somewhat frothy if you read it without considering the cards it follows in the major arcana. (…) But if you think about how the Star follows the brutal Death, Devil, and Tower cards, the positivity represented in it is a pretty stunning accomplishment.”
> 
> The card descriptions are from her book and from general tarot meanings.
> 
> Thank you to [pixiedustatsundown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiedustatsundown/pseuds/pixiedustatsundown) for beta-reading this!

**15\. The Devil**  
_the devils that you have been carrying around with you_

Adam had been young when he had learned fear, and not much older when he had learned shame. Those lessons lived within him, never to be forgotten, a constant knot in his stomach and lump in his throat.

He was afraid of everything. He was afraid of his father, and afraid of being hit. He was afraid someone would see his bruises, and ashamed when they were noticed. He was afraid he was invisible, and scared that he would live life unnoticed and unloved. He was afraid that he wasn’t capable of love, and ashamed of wanting love so desperately. 

Despite it all, he still had pride, sometimes a little too much, coexisting painfully alongside shame and fear. So he learned to conceal his bruises under long sleeves and to keep his yearning for affection out of sight, shameful secrets he was sure everyone could detect.

He was afraid that his pride would hold him back. He was afraid that pride would be all he had left once the dice were thrown and the cards were dealt.

He was afraid of losing himself and afraid of finding himself and afraid that someone else would find him first. 

Most of all, Adam was afraid that he had been damaged. He was afraid that that he would always stand in the shadow of his father, a flower that could never blossom without sunlight. He would always be scared, and he would never leave Henrietta, forever trapped in the sticky Virginia heat.

But there were good days, too. Days when his accent hadn’t slipped out, when he hadn’t fought with Ronan and hadn’t fought with Gansey, when the only soreness and fatigue he felt was from honest, hard work. Days when his pride eclipsed his shame. 

On those days, he let himself dream. He would leave his parents’ trailer, and leave Henrietta, and it would be on his own terms, his head held high.

He would not be afraid.

**16\. The Tower**  
_unexpected, painful upheaval_

On his own terms, or not at all. The thought had gotten him through punches and blows, through the pain filled nights that followed. It had gotten him through arguments with Gansey and endless nights of homework, through long evenings at the garage and early mornings at the factory.

On his own terms, or not at all. But in the end, when Adam left behind the trailer park, it was in Ronan’s car, head fuzzy, left ear and pride permanently damaged. Ronan fuming in the driver’s seat, racing to get him to the hospital.

Gansey had been right. He had been too proud to accept help, too proud to leave when it was clear he needed to. He would never hear out of his left ear again, and he only had himself to blame. 

And yet. Spring turned into summer. Shame, fear and disappointment settled within him, took up less space, made room for hope to grow. 

Life reshaped itself and took him along with it. He slowly started to rearrange the shattered pieces of himself into something new, like a puzzle with a few missing pieces. 

But sometimes, when he allowed Cabeswater to soothe him, wrap him in a blanket of moss and warmth, he could imagine that one day, the puzzle would be complete.

The trailer park had been the only home Adam had ever known, and his parents, angry and bitter, had been his only family. He felt their loss acutely. He missed his bed and his room, missed the lane going up to the trailer, missed all the things he hated when he lived there. He had been uprooted, removed from the dirt that had raised him.

But he didn’t have bruises to hide anymore, and that was something.

Summer became fall. The trailer park seemed further away and he only had to close his eyes to feel Cabeswater’s calming presence. But whenever he thought of his father, he felt dread heavy in his stomach, the court date closer with each passing day. He could not imagine ever feeling ready to face him.

**17\. The Star**  
_hope, healing, renewal, calm, a fresh start_

And then, suddenly, it was done. The morning of the court case had come and gone in a blur of fluorescent lights and immediately forgotten faces; the afternoon had passed in a surreal daze of homework and relief.

Evening found Adam at the top of a hill overlooking Henrietta. The ley line was close to the surface here; he could feel it just under his feet, its rhythmic pulse settled and calm in the presence of its magician. 

Nestled in the valley below, Henrietta looked strangely friendly and quiet, lights twinkling their welcome. 

Somewhere in that valley, his mother had found out the judge’s verdict. He could picture the disappointed hunch of her shoulders, her sad eyes.

He tried not to think about how his father had looked when the judge had announced the verdict. He could still hear the word _guilty_ ringing through the courthouse.

The threat of his father, the shame of his bruised skin and battered heart. All of it had weighed so heavily for so long.

But at this distance, Adam could pretend that the trailer park didn’t exist. 

He imagined he could see Aglionby here, Monmouth there. Gansey might be working on his model Hernietta. Ronan, listening to EDM, perhaps feeding Chainsaw or irritating Noah. 

He thought of Ronan and Gansey, breathless, rushing into the courtroom. He couldn’t remember why he hadn’t wanted them there. It had been foolish to want to hide his past; they knew him already, had seen his fear and his shame and his pride, and they didn’t mind. 

A few streets away, Persephone might be making pie with an obscene amount of butter while Blue worked on some nonsensical item of clothing, surrounded by the laughter and the hectic joy so characteristic of Fox Way. 

He had been lonesome for so long. But while he had been looking the other way, they had all burrowed their way in, friendship steady and loyalty unshakeable.

All Adam had to offer in exchange was a little bit of magic, and a bruised heart that was learning to love. But perhaps that was enough.

In the valley below, more lights were blinking on, reflections of the stars above.

Henrietta was the only home he had ever known, a place he could not wait to leave. It had never seemed beautiful before. 

He could almost make out St. Agnes’ spire. 

He was ready to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
